Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you
The last chapter of every book should just be all the characters acting completely terrified because their world is about to end.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
Nowadays, most of the children dream about an iPhone, when I was a child all I wanted was a dog