Friends wave red flags when you have a bad idea. Real friends pick up a camera
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent"
Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.
