How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
Every wife should understand one thing: a dinner will taste better if she cooks it less frequently
Monsters aren't under your bed or in your closet. They're the people you give your heart to who don't want it but take it anyway.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing