If God hadn't meant the pussy to be eaten, he wouldn't have made it look like a taco
Weddings and funerals are the same because I love going but I don't want them to be about me
Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a mustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh alright, I'll stay the night."
