Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
Why do they call it Alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'Hi, My name is John and I am an alcoholic'
Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!
I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very slowly because obviously she doesn't listen.
