The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it
When your kids are little, you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.
My voicemail message is just instructions on how to send a text message with brief pauses filled with heavy sighing