You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead
Loneliness is when you get an e-mail but it's from the newsgroup server.
Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!
I have a friend. He keeps trying to convince me he's a compulsive liar, but I don't believe him