Don't put on a dress and ask us if it makes you look fat. We hate that. Besides, it's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's the fat that makes you look fat
Kids, why didn't you tell me it was your mother's birthday? I wouldn't have come home
If you want to have sex, the kids have to leave, and if you want it to be good, you'll have to leave
Peg, if you weren't my wife, I'd kiss you