If God had wanted women to bowl, he would've put their breasts on their backs so we would have something to watch while waiting our turn
The first dumbest move had to be when I answered your phone call the day after we had sex
If you want to have sex, the kids have to leave, and if you want it to be good, you'll have to leave
Guys, I'm just happy for both of you. What say we celebrate by you getting the hell our of here, and me watching my TV!