Be assured no one is gonna try to marry you or have sex with you. You're not even a drunken 5!
I would set my hand on fire before I shake yours.
I personally would not trust you to feed my goldfish while I'm away, you would only kill it and then blame someone else for it.
And the cry-baby-iets award goes to YOU. Enclosed with the shiny award is a step by step manual on how to man up and cease being mad.