Alcoholism is the only disease that tries to convince you that you don't have it
A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.
I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it.
I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again"
