Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'
