Did you hear about the gay security guard who got fired from his job at the sperm bank? He got caught drinking on the job
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
What is the most important thing to learn in chemistry? Never lick the spoon.
Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.