I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: "Next time, take off the candles."
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead
A healthy relationship is a relationship based on a lie.