My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
You're so fat, you could sell shade.
What's a man's idea of a perfect date? A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack