People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made
What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car
You're so ugly when you were born the doctor threw you out the window and the window threw you back
The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.