How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
If I get interviewed by a police sketch artists, my only goal will be to see how far I get before he realizes I'm making him draw a pirate.
I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore
April Fools' Day is like a huge open mic night in which millions of people go out of their way to demonstrate how unfunny they are.
