The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running c*nt
When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this."
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine's Day.
