When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this."
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of
How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.