When your kids are little, you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.
Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again!
If every day is a gift, I'd like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday
I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it