Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? They steal all the green cards.
Why does it feel like time slows down during the day when you're at work and rapidly speeds up at night when you get home?
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don't stop".
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
