I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported.
Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
Girls wanting giant ass teddy bears, & VS bags, and bouquets of underwear for valentines day. Just give me some pizza & I'll love u forever.
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.
