Marriage advice for dummies: Five worst things you can do 5 Abandon 4 Lie 3 Cheat 2 Abuse 1 Forget to start the dishwasher
Oh, you're straight? Well, so is spaghetti until it gets hot and wet.
It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up.
If someone is spitting behind you, it means you're in front.