The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? "Cause you're fatter than they are."
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? Toes go in first!
Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!