What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running c*nt
Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
Never laugh at your girlfriends choices... your one of them.