Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a mustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
I love my FedEx guy cause he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it, and he's always on time
Do I play fantasy football? Dude, I'm 46 and married. Most of my life is fantasy
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?