Latest Funny One Liners

Why can't blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Whenever you get mad, just think of a T-rex trying to masturbate.

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Your life doesn't get better by chance. It gets better by choice.

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? Because it's all heart.