Latest Funny One Liners

I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying

Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.

The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.

Girl you're like a car accident, cause I just can't look away.

What language are you speaking? Cause it sounds like bullshit.