Latest Funny One Liners

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off

Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole

If you can't say something nice, say it to your husband... he's not listening anyway

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread

I was told I have a sick mind. I can't disagree