Latest Funny One Liners

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.

If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?

I have as much authority as the Pope, i just don't have as many people who believe it

The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off

I would love to insult you, however, that would be beyond the level of your intelligence

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?"