Latest Funny One Liners

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

How does a farmer count cows? with a cow-calculator.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

It's a pleasure to see you and another - not to see.

I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.

The device will work much better, if you turn it on.

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.