Latest Funny One Liners

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel

How can you make a gay man scream twice? Fudge him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains

Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her

Materialism: buying things we don't need with money we don't have to impress people that don't matter

Why can't women read maps? Only the male mind can comprehend the concept of one inch equaling a mile