Funny One Liners

Eat healthy, exercise to be fit. Die anyway

I always say "morning" instead of “good morning”. If it were a good morning I’d still be in bed instead of talking to you.

This picture is so old my liver was still pink

You're IQ's lower than your shoe size.

The ultimate success is the ability to know who to blame for your failures.

I heard the conversation of two fish in a tank. The first asked the second “How do you drive this thing?

If you're still using Internet Explorer, you must like it nice and slow.