Funny One Liners

Your life doesn't get better by chance. It gets better by choice.

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable? Because it's all heart.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

Most women don't know where to look when they're eating a banana.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.