All One Liners and Comebacks

One Liners

I pretend to work as long as they pretend to pay me.

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One Liners

The device will work much better, if you turn it on.

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One Liners

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

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One Liners

Smoking is a slow death! But we're not in a hurry...

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One Liners

For my next trick I need a condom and a volunteer...

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One Liners

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

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One Liners

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

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