Latest Funny One Liners

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house

Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake

The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you

When I call a family meeting I turn off the house wifi and wait for them all to come running

Weddings and funerals are the same because I love going but I don't want them to be about me

I would give my dad what he really wants on Father's Day, but I can't afford to move out yet

Whenever i have a headache,i take two asprins and keep away the children,like the bottle says