Latest Funny One Liners

My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... so I got drunk

How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed

I will have enough money for the rest of my life. Of course, if I don't buy and eat anything

I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back

Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years

Old Chinese proverb: Rape impossible! Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down!

What's the difference between a blonde and a washing machine? They both drip when they're fucked