Latest Funny One Liners

Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator. I'm taking this shit to a whole new level

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin

I like to show my girlfriend who's boss in our house by holding a mirror up to her face

The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby

What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? The blonde has the higher sperm count

Why don't the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?