Latest Funny One Liners

Everything you do you're gonna regret. But if you do nothing, you will not only regret but will also suffer

Sorry, I'm out of my mind at the moment, please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible

The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is the "Friend Zone"

I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife

A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."