Latest Funny One Liners

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

One cigarette shortens your life by two hours, one bottle of vodka by three hours, and a workday - eight hours

Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that...your numbers not in it

My friends say that I'm gay because I don't like football. What a bunch of idiots. I'm gay because I like cock

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them