Funny One Liners

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again!

I'm not lazy... I'm just on my energy saving mode.

Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.

You're like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.