Funny One Liners

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

I childproofed the house... but they still get in!

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too.

Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.