Latest Funny One Liners

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes.

What did one candle say to the other? "Don't birthdays burn you up?"

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

I ran into my ex the other day, hit reverse, and ran into him again.

Did you know that there are 71.9 acres of nipple tissue in the U.S.?

Hi, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual.