Latest Funny One Liners

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

If procrastination was an Olympic sport, I'd compete in it later.

My resume is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.

If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.