Latest Funny One Liners

No, those pants don't make you look fatter. I mean, how could they?

Alcohol not only expands the blood vessels but also communications.

People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.

Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.