Latest Funny One Liners

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because it couldn't get a date.

Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose.

If you have worked and didn't get anything, it means someone else got it.

Men are like placemats, they only show up when there's food on the table.

Do you know what the square root of 69 is? Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)

Sleep is my drug....my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.