Latest Funny One Liners

My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention!

There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you

I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore

They were the type of children who would kill both parents and make you feel sorry for them because they were orphans

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

You should know, that no one understood it was an April fool's joke because no one expected you have a sense of humor