Latest Funny One Liners

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very slowly because obviously she doesn't listen.

Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.

Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.

If you feel lonely, down, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up. Remember, you can always change your birthday on Facebook!

When your kids are little, you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.

If you got tired of living, don't share your thoughts with all your friends - they might not give you a chance to change your mind.