Latest Funny One Liners

When my friends are sad, i send them a long ass paragraph, but when I'm sad, they only say "Oh sorry" or "Well that sucks"

Marriage advice for dummies: Five worst things you can do 5 Abandon 4 Lie 3 Cheat 2 Abuse 1 Forget to start the dishwasher

Moses was leading his people through the desert for 40 years. It seems, even in Biblical times men avoided asking the way

Why does it feel like time slows down during the day when you're at work and rapidly speeds up at night when you get home?

Fridges should have glass doors.That way i don't have to stand with the fridge door open trying to figure out my next move

The last chapter of every book should just be all the characters acting completely terrified because their world is about to end.

Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.