Latest Funny One Liners

How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning.

Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number. Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Who was the first to see a cow and think "I wonder what will happen if I squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out?"